I know it has been some time since my last post. I haven't forgotten the blog or you. I just couldn't bring myself to write.
I have been dealing with a difficult bout of depression. Too much bad news, too much grief layered in with too many appointments and procedures. I'm fatuiged .
To add to the troubles, I have recently found out that I have a growth behind my nose. I have to see an ear, nose and throat cancer specialist for that.
While the news of the recession of the lymphoma has been a true blessing, it turns out I'm not actually in remission. That was a misunderstanding on my part. Because I still have the virus in my body and some lymph nodes, I still have PTLD, and it can flare up at any time.
On the bone marrow front, we have no movement on the counts so I continue to have three days a week of blood support at the Cross.
I'm struggling with how to make this new reality into a life. I don't feel like I can go on in suspension waiting for the the marrow to do something.
I am still a mother and a wife yet I can't care for my family in the same way. I'm not sure what the new way will look like. I want to be productive and useful yet I'm reduced to being a drain on the system.
Is a person's life worth more than the roles the occupy or what they can produce?
I believe so. Every human life has value. Mine does too. I just have to start believing it. And I guess I have to get over myself and work within my new limitations.
Only time will tell how this will play out
