Moving on....or down in this case

Hello my friends!

I have some excellent news.

I'm moving down to the bone marrow clinic for care.  YAY.  It means that I will be officially discharged from hospital to an outpatient basis.

Its another step towards home.

Funnily, the ward doctor is going to follow me down there even though he doesn't have a clinic.  In addition, my blood counts aren't considered stable yet either.

So why are they kicking me out?  Well two answers are plausible: 1. Elizabeth is becoming a pain in their neck or 2. Elizabeth has whined enough about wanting to be discharged that they are humouring me.  The third option is that its a combo of the two; this is likely.

I was reading some followup care about transplant patients.  One article said the up to 75% of transplant patients experience depression. anxiety or post-tramatic stress disorder a year after transplant.  Even if the numbers are inflated, that is huge!  I know from my own experience, going onto the ward every day or two makes me grit my teeth, just to be there!  I hate the rooms, the beds, the bathrooms particularly with their awful yellow colour.  The idea of going back into hospital makes my insides shake and I get immediately nauseous. I am gleeful when I get to leave and I feel terrible for leaving behind the other inmates....I mean patients.

I told one doctor that going on passes felt like being a lab rat.  The rat sees the new open door and cautiously sticks its nose out to sniff.  You see the rat is worried.  A bar may quickly descend or an electric shock administered. The lab techs will giggle and say "just kidding, silly little rat". She doesn't really believe that the lab coats would ever really let her go.

My transplant doctor howled with laughter when she heard my theory.

 But you can see why they want to get rid if me? I think they know my mental sanity and theirs rests on moving me on.  And I am grateful!  Time heals many things.  As I move into my new future, I hope the scars of transplant will heal and I will gain a positive perspective on my time there.  After all, I met many angels working on unit 57 and I have a future which was very uncertain before.

The other piece of good news is that my guts seem to be slowly healing.  Which will mean I don't have Acute Graft vs. Host disease. I don't need a barrage if uncomfortable tests or long term toxic drug treatment. We are still in the phase where I could develop it or chronic GVHD but let's knock on wood and hope for the best!

In the meantime, I'm starting to plan the last weeks here and my time returning home.  Fall activities, wedding, physio in Edmonton, coming home party etc.  These things keep me busy and distracted from the long days here.  Finally though, I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I hope you are all keeping well,
Hugs and love as always,
E