Lymphoma

The doctors are treating me for PTLD, a rare form of lymphoma.  We have no confirmed biopsy but it matters little at this point.  PTLD can be very aggressive taking a person in weeks.  I am still receiving ritux but they can't give me the other chemo, its more dangerous.  There is a trial in New York  they will try to get me on.  The ritux has reduced my viral loads some which is good.  I am in treatment at the Cross Cancer three days a week.

I'm walking the line between preparing and choosing life....not easy.

My family is shattered of course as am I but I have survived rare and deadly things before so they are holding onto hope.

I lay out boundaries here because it is what I can do for my family right now.  Emails, Facebook messages and texts are all welcome.  Phone calls we can't do right now.  Visits are unlikely. I will do my best to answer everyone but please understand if I don't.

 Madeleine doesn't know this can be deadly just that I may become very sick.  Please do not treat her any differently.  She needs the stability and security of the adults around her not falling apart.  She needs the regular dose of life as long as I can give it to her.  She is strong and will deal with what comes.  Please respect me on this if you happen to see her!

David and Josh are dealing with this in their own way and all I ask is that you let them without interfering on their private thoughts and feelings.  There will plenty of time for commiseration if I go.

Meals are welcome and thankyou in advance.  David still doesn't like veggies and beans are hard for some of my family to deal with.  Flowers are not allowed but I welcome pictures on my phone of lovely gardens and bouquets.

Now for good news:  David and I will be married within a week or so.  Our family members are all coming.  It will be a tiny wedding to celebrate our life together and our love.  I know you all understand that I wanted to invite a big crowd but the situation calls for restraint.  I have a dress and David has a suit and I post pictures after in September.  I am excited and looking forward to this day very much.

I don't know if this is my last post....it is not my intent as I will not give up but that said..... Thankyou for following my blog and caring and loving and praying as you have.  It has meant the world to me.  You got me through many hard days.  I'm sending each one of you my love whether I know you or not.  Find your gift and share it with the world.  Accept each other and be compassionate.  Many blessings be upon you for whatever comes.

Until my next post, all my love and hugs,

E